CITY OF CULTURE - 2008

Oh no, here we go again, let's have a minute's silence or burn an effigy somewhere. I heard on the radio today that Liverpool Council was considering banning films that contained cigarette smoking. Why is it that when I hear the 2008 City of Culture mention, an image of a Petri Dish jumps into my mind?

What's coming next in the capital of emotional incontinence? It's well known that the locals are already pretty adept at recycling hub caps and car radios - so how about, with global warming in mind, banning films that contain references to methane-producing cattle? Let's face it, when the sea-level rises the hallowed streets of 60s pop culture are in the front line for a twice-daily soaking - Penny Lake is in my ears, 'cos it's high tide.

Hell, I never considered the detrimental effect that the violent pipe-smoking old salt Popeye had on my kids - or the Havana sniffing Bilko.

Taking their nanny-state proposal forward by a couple of years, does this mean that the BBC will never again be allowed to broadcast a really cheap black and white Sherlock Holmes movie, or the enigmatic Clint Eastwood in "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly"? And will trans-atlantic container ships loaded up to the poop-deck with tins of corned-beef be refused entry into the harbour?

Will we never again be allowed to watch rubber-faced Jim Carey in "The Mask" because of his really annoying catchline "Smoking!" ??? -- Okay, so there are some benefits to this proposal.