Dear Sir - As a founding member of the Dyslexic Association of Twitchers (Dys-Ass-Twits) I would like bring to your attention the number of Crooks (Corvus frugilegus) that have taken up residence in the centre of our capital city.
I personally, have witnessed these greedie, noisy creatures queuing up for free flights to and from the countryside - often returning to their lofty abodes late at night carrying objects of desire, free additions to their already crowded residences, purloined at the expense of their rural cousins and other lesser creatures.
It is well known that once a crookery is well established it can only be removed by direct and decisive action against the core of members who inhabit and benefit from the innermost nests of the colony - as with many other hornytheological groups, there is a well-defined pecking order.
It is my opinion that a conservation order should be attached to the internationally-famous buildings immediately below this damaging gathering of guano-dropping parasites - and therefore clearing the way for police enforcement of the required eviction order necessary to preserve the fabric and future integrity of this establishment.
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